How much would the 12 Days of Christmas gifts cost today?

By John Bkila (NewsHooked) | Friday, December 20, 2019 at 16:02

The 12 Days of Christmas carol tells of the massive (some might say obnoxious — seriously, it’s a lot of birds) load of gifts given to one person’s true love.

But how much would it actually cost a GTA-er (Greater Toronto Area inhabitant) today, if they were to try it all out?

For simplicity’s sake let’s replace some of the more exotic items with things you could more easily find to help keep you from tearing at your hair.

Forget the partridge and get a budgie. They’re cute, small and cost $25 — toss it in a pear tree ($40 at a garden centre) and you’re at $65.

Yes, two turtledoves may be cuter and rarer than regular doves, but is your true love really going to notice the difference? Probably not — stick with white ring-necked doves (they’re the least pricey) and those will run you around $80 for the pair.

Let’s lose the French and just get three hens. It’s about $30 each for an adult chicken, average cost of a coop is around $500, plus feed and miscellaneous monthly costs for the three is around $25/month — so the grand total for these birds is $980. Done.

Four calling birds — arguably this is any bird that tweets, but to appease your true love, get a canary. Make sure it’s of the male variety though because only those sing. They’re between $25-$150 each, so for this case, let’s go high-end. Hey, your true love’s worth it, no?

Now, don’t forget you still have to feed and house all these birds. Separating out the deal with the hens, let’s grab 12 bags of seed (1 per month) at $20 each for 7 birds and that’s $240. This handy cage on Amazon is $469.99 — maybe put them all in the same one and call it a day, eh?

And what series of gifts is complete without jewelry. A simple 14K yellow gold-brushed ring can run you about $440 regular price — but you’re buying five of these suckers, so dish out $2,200.

If you thought you could escape the six geese a-laying because they migrate south for the winter, think again — some geese vacation in southern Canada. But you’re in luck, just go for a (free) walk at one of the hundreds of parks across the GTA and I’m sure you’ll spot a gaggle somewhere.

LaSalle Park in Burlington, Ont., is actually a pit stop for some 200 trumpeter swans that fly down in winter from places like North Bay. Again hit up another free trip to the park and your love is sure to see seven there. Hey, we’re finding some cost-savings now!

A dairy cow generally sells for between $900-$3,000, but you need eight heifers, so let’s go on the cheaper end in this case. Remember, you’ll need land and food for them too.

A general rule is around 0.018 tonnes of hay per day, per cow and hay is about $150-200 per ton, so you’re looking at $10,512 for the year at food alone. It’s recommended each cow has 2-5 acres of land for themselves and I found a 40-acre farm for sale on Kijiji in Cochrane, Ont. (about 778km/9-hour drive from the GTA) for $120,000. Maybe that’s a steal?

Now, you’re going to have to have these cows milked — let’s use a local maid service that offers one person for three hours for $135. Since these cleaning maids probably have little experience milking, it may be a good idea to toss in another $100 each to sweeten the deal.

Buy two tickets for Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance World Tour coming to Mexico City in February 2020 ($226.25 each, taxes/shipping included) and you’re sure to spot at least one Lord a-leaping and more than nine ladies dancing. Return flight to Mexico City from Toronto for a three-day stay will run $550 per person (excluding stay – let’s try keeping things simple, OK?)

A single bagpiper can make any occasion special — adding 10 more and it will make your Christmas $4,400 more special.

And on the 12th day of Christmas, buy 12 toy drums ($30 each) and ask your neighbours’ toddlers to drum for your true love — instant heart-melter.

Since this entire ordeal will put you $150,540 in the hole, let’s hope your true love will appreciate the more reasonable, and thoughtful, gifts you’ve left for them under the tree, this year.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, from NewsHooked!

Featured top photo “Man wearing Santa Claus costume sitting on chair” by hue12 photography on Unsplash

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